NBB: Tear Stained Letters
by hangman005
Summary: This stand alone story follows the events surrounding a number of tear stained letters. Alex feels he has been betrayed by those closest to him and his reaction will shock you... Alex and Juanita are 15, Nat and the band are 18 and Rosalina is 20... R
1. The Letter

_Dear Juanita,_

_When you told me, you crushed me. Before you there was Jessie, but I knew from the moment I knew you were a girl, that you were the one. I loved you Juanita, and you brushed me aside and swept me under the rug._

_Did you think I wouldn__'__t notice? Did you think I would give up? I lived for you Juanita, you were my heart and soul. You were the one. I would do anything for you._

_But you showed me today, you never cared. You strung me along like I was a plaything. Then you told me you never loved me. You told me you were pregnant, and Nat was the dad. Why Nat? Why my brother? Why did you have to take someone so close to me._

_You left me alone, my existence depended on you and Nat, you both betrayed me. You cut me deeper than I__'__ve been cut before. My love meant nothing to you, you didn__'__t appreciate it, you didn__'__t want it and it hurt so bad._

_If you are reading this, it is too late. I__'__ve made my choice, I__'__m leaving. I doubt you__'__d miss me anyway. I am going away. You made your choice with Nat, I making mine I__'__m going, Juanita, I will no longer be there for you._

_Alex_

Juanita found this letter sitting on the kitchen table. Alex's scrawl was unmistakable. She could tell he had been crying, the paper was damp and in several places and smeared the ink where the tears had landed. She was reading this alone, Nat was sitting outside trying to absorb the fact that he had fathered a baby. How would he tell his dad… how would he tell Rosalina. Juanita clutched the letter in her hand as she walked upstairs, if Alex was truly gone, she knew there was one thing he would take with him. Juanita pushed the door open to Nat and Alex's room. It was flooded. She made her way through to the bathroom.

"No!" She said shaking uncontrollably at the sight that lay before her.

Alex was floating face down in the bath.

"ALEX!" She screamed louder than even she thought possible.

Nat was distracted from his thoughts when he heard the scream, he sprinted up to the apartment. It looked empty, but he could hear the sounds of uncontrollable sobbing coming from his room. He leaped up the stairs two at a time, and as he saw the doorway he saw Juanita sunken on the floor, crying.

Nat went forward to comfort her, he had not yet seen Alex's body.

As reached forward to give Juanita a hug, he saw him.

Nat felt as though time stood still, he saw his brother laying there lifelessly in bath water as it over flowed and spilled onto the floor.

"Alex!" Nat yelled loudly and rushed forward. Nat dragged him out of the water and flipped him over on his back. Nat tried chest compressions, he wasn't sure if he was doing it right, but he wanted to save his brother.

Nat heard the sounds of more footsteps and sounds of horrified gasps. Nat didn't look to see who it was as he desperately clutched at his brother trying to bring him back.

Someone grabbed Nat and dragged him away as he desperately tried to resuscitate Alex. He turned to see who it was. Through the blur of his tears he knew it was Rosalina. He could tell she was crying, she took him away and sat him down next to Juanita. He saw someone else comforting her. He wiped the tears away from his eyes and saw it was Qaasim.

"Oh my god!" Thomas kept repeating over and over as he stared at Alex's lifeless body.

David just stood there numbly, it felt like everything had stopped. Nothing was real anymore.

"What do we do?" Cooper asked helplessly, it was the first time, he was clueless.

Juanita sat there teary eyed as Qaasim tried to comfort her, but she just couldn't help looking.

They all just sat there, each one slowly sunk to the floor. Everything felt surreal. This sort of thing didn't happen here, not to them.

"Where's dad?" Nat asked sniffing heavily.

"I don't… I don't know," Rosalina said as she tried to control the tears. She looked up and saw Alex and burst out crying again.

Cooper weakly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He dialed 911.


	2. Cause and Effects

**1 Year Later**

_Dear Alex,_

_It__'__s been a year already, and it hurts just as much as when you left._

_It was never my intention for things to end up like this. I didn__'__t think I was doing wrong. I thought we were just friends, I realize now I was wrong, and the pain you must have felt must have been incredible for things to end this way. I feel the pain now, and I know that the pain will not go away. I know that it is too late to change what happened._

_Nat has taken hard, he blames himself. He didn__'__t know that when he didn__'__t think that one time everything would change dramatically. He misses you, we all do. _

_I wish I could take it all back, Nat does too. It was a stupid mistake, we were young and reckless. We didn__'__t think it would hurt you, but most of all we just didn__'__t think._

_I realize now that you were the one. I know you always knew this about me and it is now I feel your pain, each time I brushed you off, each time I made an excuse, each time I lied to let you down easy. I wasn__'__t ready, but I never told you that. I never told you how I felt, I never told you that I do love you, and now that I want to I can__'__t._

_The baby was boy, we named him Alexander Draper Wolff, after you. The last year has been hard, we still wait for you to come home. We hope with all our hearts but it falls on deaf ears._

_It was you Alex, I understood your pain, but actions left me wondering. We were hurt more then even you could imagine. As much as we were stupid, you Alex were selfish, you left. Did you not think about anyone else. Why did you do it Alex? Why?_

_You give me nightmares, I found you and I see that every night. I try not to sleep to remember you for what you were, not they way you left._

_I write this letter for myself, I know it__'__s too late for us. I just wanted to say, it was always you I loved._

_Love_

_Juanita_

Juanita looked down at the letter, it was damp and blotched, just like Alex's last letter. She started to sob again. She waited expecting Alex to walk through the door, ready for a skateboard.

"_Come on Juanita, homework can wait__"__ Alex said as he pulled Juanita up and dragged he out the door, skateboarding gear in tow._

Juanita was disturbed from her memories, by a knock on the door. She slowly got up and answered it.

It was Nat.

"Are… Are you ready?" Nat asked quietly and uncomfortably.

Juanita just nodded.

She folded up the letter and put it in her pocket.

"I'll just grab Alex, and tell my foster mom we are going," Juanita said heavily.

Juanita climbed the stairs slowly. It was awkward. It had been a year since Alex died. After the Funeral Nat and Mr Wolff moved out of the city. They didn't want to be near where it happened.

Juanita's foster parents had been very supportive and helped Juanita look after the baby.

Juanita came down stairs 5 minutes later with Alex. He was dressed in red white and blue, and seemed to be wearing a custom made stars and stripes do rag. It looked strange, a four month old baby dressed in bright colours.

Nat gave a weak smile. Juanita was going all out to keep Alex's memory alive…

_The sounds of sirens approached the apartment. Firefighters and Paramedics rushed up to the apartment. The quickly but gently ushered them out of the room. They sat them down in the lounge, as another group came in, and had they task of attempting to revive Alex._

_Mr Wolff arrived, looking flustered and worried. He saw the ambulances and fire engines parked outside, as well as the press who had responded just as quickly._

_He looked around everyone._

"_Where__'__s Alex?__"_

_No one knew what to say._

"_Not again…__"__ Mr Wolff said as his knees buckled and he slid to the floor._

_Nat was still crying, and crawled of the couch and hugged his father. He wanted to say something, but he didn__'__t know what to say._

_Mr Wolff looked up and saw the Coroner wheeling Alex__'__s body on gurney._

"_Let me see him,__"__ He said quietly, climbing unsteadily to his feet._

_They stopped, and unzipped the top of the body bag._

_Mr Wolff burst out sobbing hysterically at the sight of his lifeless son._

"_Not again__"__ He said sinking to the floor again._

Nat shook himself back to the present, as he helped Juanita bring the stroller and his son on to the bus.

"Where is everyone?" Juanita asked sitting down, holding Alex tightly.

Nat sighed.

After Alex's death everything went downhill,

"Qaasim's in rehab... he got into the drug scene really bad. Thomas beat some kid up for making fun of Alex.... he's in Jail. David is coming... he's with mental health services... Cooper will be there. I don't know about Rosalina... she is still made at mad at me..." Nat explained.

"It's my fault.... I miss him so bad...." Juanita said bursting in tears.

Nat sat down beside Juanita and Alex and tried to comfort her. Tuffey drove the bus, down to where Alex was buried.

Cooper, David and Rosalina were waiting when Nat and Juanita arrived with little Alex.

Nat and Juanita walked side by side with Alex being pushed by Juanita in the stroller.

"I can't believe it's been a year already." Cooper said quietly.

"Me neither..." Rosalina said avoiding Nat and staring at Alex's tombstone.

"I wish Thomas was here." David said, depressed.

"I wish Alex was still here," Rosalina said quietly.

"We all do," Juanita said, reaching into he pocket and pulling out the letter she wrote to Alex and placing gently on the front of his grave.

Nat pulled out a letter and unfolded it looking over it.


	3. Family Response

_Alex,_

_You were my brother, and now you are gone, I am more alone than ever. You do not understand the pain and the guilt I feel. It was Juanita the found you, the sight almost killed her and it's my fault._

_You killed yourself because of me, I have to live with that everyday. But why Alex? What did you accomplish? Suicide isn__'__t painless Alex, you left everyone in pain. You never gave me the opportunity to apologise._

_You made a void in my life. There is always that part of life, that you used to fill that is now empty. Did you think of dad? He lost our mom and then he lost you. He hasn__'__t been the same since._

_I haven__'__t seen Juanita since the funeral, but she wrote to tell me she had a boy. She named it after you Alex. She loved you Alex, she just didn__'__t know it. You never gave her the chance to find out. I have learned that what I did was wrong, but it wasn__'__t Juanita__'__s fault. She blames herself more then me. If you really loved her, you wouldn__'__t have left her, you wouldn__'__t have wanted her to find you the way she did. She has nightmares Alex, we all have the same one, finding you just hanging there._

_I miss you Alex, life without you has been more than I can bear. I always think about you, everything reminds me of you. Everything I see reminds that you should still be here, you died before you could live, and that is the hardest thing for me to understand._

_I am sorry Alex. I am sorry I was so stupid. I am sorry things ended up this way. I am sorry you are dead and I__'__m sorry that you never saw that Juanita loves you._

_Your Loving Brother_

_Nat _

**That Night**

Nat was at home, feeling empty inside. He still hadn't got used to the fact the Alex was never coming back. Alex was still sleeping on the bottom bunk. He wasn't in the lounge jumping around on his skateboard, he wasn't trying the charm Juanita, he wasn't playing the drums... he was just gone.

Nat looked over the drums.

_~ Nat and Alex's younger selves were there, Nat on Piano, Alex on Drums. The doorbell rang._

_"You get it," Alex said,_

_"You get it," Nat said back_

_"No you get it," Alex said._

_"No You get it," Nat said getting abit annoyed._

_"No! You get it!" Alex said more forcefully._

_"Fine" Nat complained getting up to answer the door._

_"Milk Break!" Alex said happily getting up... ~_

Nat smiled as he remembered. It was when Rosalina first joined the band. Nat turned around and walked upstairs. He looked around the room. He ran through his mind something that happened each night for about 6 months after Alex died.

_~ "Good Night Alex," Nat said turning around to climb into his bed. He then noticed that Alex's bed was empty, and remembered why. Nat sat down on Alex's bed and thought how it all went wrong. ~_

Nat climbed on to his bed and cried himself to sleep.

**10 Years Later**

_Dear Dad,_

_Mom told me about you today. She said that Nat was my biological father, but that you were always my dad._

_I can tell mom misses you, she seems so vacant at times and I know she is thinking about you._

_I wish I knew you dad, did you not want me? Do you hate me? I ask myself this because I can't understand why you would kill yourself._

_I think I remind everyone of you. I just hope I don't do what you did. Do you know what it is like to grow up with out a dad. I feel so left when there are all these Father and Son trips, because I know I can not go._

_Someone said you were in a famous band or something. Mom doesn't say anything, I think you hurt her dad. I hear her crying herself to sleep. Whose fault was it really dad? Was it yours, was it mom's, was it Uncle Nat's or was it mine dad? I guess I will never know._

_I wish I had a chance to met you... maybe then you could give me answers._

_From_

_Alex_


	4. An Unexpected Meeting

**11 Years Ago**

Alex walked into the apartment, he thought it was empty. He made his way to the fridge and got himself a glass of milk.

"Alexander Draper Wolff!" A female voice said behind him.

Alex froze and turned around.

"Mom?" He said, knowing instantly who it was.

She just nodded.

"Am I dead?" Alex asked.

"You should be, but we shall see..." she said looking at him with a longing.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked a little confused.

"Well you still have one more choice? Do you walk upstairs and wait? Or go back out the door you came in…" His mother said looking at him.

Alex just looked at her.

"I made my choice… Didn't I? Alex asked looking back at his mother defiantly.

"And I can't say I agree with it Alex." She said looking at her son with scorn.

"What would you know about it?" Alex asked annoyed.

"Alex, I have dead mom powers, I know more about it than maybe even you." She responded calmly.

Alex snorted in disbelief.

"Nat and Juanita betrayed me… I loved her and he got her pregnant." Alex said angrily.

"Alex, he didn't do it intentionally."

"Right…" Alex said sarcastically.

Alex's mom sighed.

"Alex do you remember that party you guys had in October?" His mum asked, but Alex felt she already knew the answer.

"No" Alex said grumpily.

"Figures… I will show you" His mother said staring at Alex.

~ _Alex was lying on the ground sleeping, He was breathing deeply and heavily with a lot of empty cans of beer lying around him. Nat was sitting next to Juanita, both were heavily drunk._

"_Hey, Rosie… Lets do it.__"__ Nat slurred_

"_I__'__m not…. I__'__m not….__"__ Juanita tried to say before Nat reached out and began to make out. Juanita instantly began making out back._ ~

"Oh goody, it's all OK because Nat was drunk!" Alex said angrily.

"Alex, cut it out. Do you really want to make Nat suffer for the rest of his life?"

"Yeah, he could of not done Juanita." Alex said stubbornly.

~ _Nat stood at the front of the church, his dad was beside him. Uncle Miles and Betty were there as well. In the row behind them the rest of the band all stood looking subdued. Juanita was yet another row back. Alex__'__s casket was located up in front of the centre aisle. The church was filled with mourners. George Lopez and his daughter Mayan were there, along with Joel Madden and other celebrities. Juanita got up and started walking off._

"_I can__'__t do this__"__ she cried as she rushed down the centre aisle._

_Nat saw her and chased after her. Catching up with her in the foyer._

"_Where are you going?__"__ Nat asked._

"_I can__'__t do it… Alex wouldn__'__t want me here.__"__ Juanita said crying._

"_Yes he would…__"__ Nat said, though he just wasn__'__t sure any more._

"_He killed himself because of us… It__'__s our fault…__"__ Juanita said crying louder. _~

"What about Juanita?" his mom asked.

Alex just looked at her.

"She loves you," She continued.

"No she doesn't, she said she never loved me!" Alex said quietly.

"Alex, she doesn't know she loves you…" His mom sighed.

"Well perhaps she should have found that out BEFORE she fucked Nat." Alex said.

"Alex she was drunk, she didn't know up from down, let alone what she was doing. She was stupid Alex, yes. But you will be more stupid and more selfish then her if you leave her to suffer." His mom said getting a bit angry.

"What do you want from me?" Alex said on the verge of yelling.

"I want you to think about the choice you have made… You can take most of it back." She said.

"I did think about it… I'm here Aren't I!?" Alex argued back.

"Jesus Alex your acting like a child," His mother said.

"Heres a newsflash for you mom, I am! Perhaps if you were around you would know that!" Alex shouted.

"I chose to die Alex, as it was the only way you would live. I had this same opportunity as you. And I was told, that if I went back, someone else would have to die to fill that void." Alex's mom said trying her best not to shout at her son. "I knew that someone else would be you. I also know that the same doesn't apply to you, you were not meant to die here, there is no void to fill."

"But you were never around, mothers days and all that seemed irrelevant because you weren't there." Alex said quietly.

"And if you don't go back, Juanita's baby will have the same thing happen,"

"Do you not want me around?" Alex asked sadly.

"Alex, I have waited and watched for 15 years, I can wait a few more."

"You didn't watch everything did you?" Alex asked uncomfortably.

"I saw only what i needed to see, Alex" She said smiling weakly.

"So what happens if I go back?" Alex asked quietly.

"I can't tell you that Alex, but you will have to live with what you did, those closest to you will always have this in the back of there minds," She answered honestly.

Alex looked scared at the thought.

"So Alex are you ready to walk back through the door?" his mom asked.

"Can I have a hug first?" Alex asked, hoping he would remember it.

Alex's mom smiled and put her arms around Alex in hug.

"Tell your father and brother, I love them both, and am always watching. I love you Alex." His mom said kissing him on the forehead and letting him go.

Alex looked back at her.

"I love you mom," Alex said and stepped through the door.


	5. Things Change

_Dear Juanita,_

_When you told me, you crushed me. Before you there was Jessie, but I knew from the moment I knew you were a girl, that you were the one. I loved you Juanita, and you brushed me aside and swept me under the rug._

_Did you think I wouldn__'__t notice? Did you think I would give up? I lived for you Juanita, you were my heart and soul. You were the one. I would do anything for you._

_But you showed me today, you never cared. You strung me along like I was a plaything. Then you told me you never loved me. You told me you were pregnant, and Nat was the dad. Why Nat? Why my brother? Why did you have to take someone so close to me._

_You left me alone, my existence depended on you and Nat, you both betrayed me. You cut me deeper than I__'__ve been cut before. My love meant nothing to you, you didn__'__t appreciate it, you didn__'__t want it and it hurt so bad._

_If you are reading this, it is too late. I__'__ve made my choice, I__'__m leaving. I doubt you__'__d miss me anyway. I am going away. You made your choice with Nat, I making mine I__'__m going, Juanita, I will no longer be there for you._

_Alex_

Juanita found this letter sitting on the kitchen table. Alex's scrawl was unmistakable. She could tell he had been crying, the paper was damp and in several places and smeared the ink where the tears had landed. She was reading this alone, Nat was sitting outside trying to absorb the fact that he had fathered a baby. How would he tell his dad… how would he tell Rosalina. Juanita clutched the letter in her hand as she walked upstairs, if Alex was truly gone, she knew there was one thing he would take with him. Juanita pushed the door open to Nat and Alex's room. It was flooded. She made her way through to the bathroom.

"No!" She said shaking uncontrollably at the sight that lay before her.

Alex was floating face down in the bath.

"ALEX!" She screamed louder than even she thought possible.

Nat was distracted from his thoughts when he heard the scream, he sprinted up to the apartment. It looked empty, but he could hear the sounds of uncontrollable sobbing coming from his room. He leaped up the stairs two at a time, and as he saw the doorway he saw Juanita sunken on the floor, crying.

Nat went forward to comfort her, he had not yet seen Alex's body.

As reached forward to give Juanita a hug, he saw him.

Nat felt as though time stood still, he saw his brother laying there lifelessly in bath water as it over flowed and spilled onto the floor.

"Alex!" Nat yelled loudly and rushed forward. Nat dragged him out of the water and flipped him over on his back. Nat tried chest compressions, he wasn't sure if he was doing it right, but he wanted to save his brother.

After about a minute and a half Alex suddenly coughed up a lot of water and began desperately sucking in oxygen.

Nat stopped suddenly and looked at his younger brother. Who was desperately trying to breathe. Alex rolled over onto his side and vomited. Nat looked at Juanita who was watching nervously as Alex came back to life. He saw that the rest of the band was standing beside her, comforting her.

"Call an ambulance," Nat said panicked and turned back to Alex who was lying in his vomit.

Cooper reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone and dialed 911.

Juanita broke away from the rest of the band and crawled over to Alex. She wasn't sure whether to hug him or hit him. She just looked at him crying.

Alex faded into feint as he lay on floor, weak.


	6. Karma

When Alex recovered he could hear the sound of sirens. As he slightly opened his eyes he noticed they were moving. Alex noticed someone standing over him, they were wearing a uniform that he did not immediately recognise, and seemed to be checking his pulse. He lolled his head to the side, he could make out two more people in the ambulance but his vision was a bit blurry, he wasn't sure who it was, but he had his suspicions.

"Look up at me Alex," A female voice came from the person standing over him.

Alex didn't respond.

"Come on Alex, look at me," she said again.

Alex slowly looked back up.

The lady put one hand behind Alex's head, and began looking into his eyes with a little penlight.

Alex winced with the brightness of the light.

"Your in an ambulance Alex, we're taking you to hospital" She said.

Alex tried to roll over, but the lady pushed him back down.

Alex choked a little as he retched, the lady let him up, and he vomited into a bowl.

"Do you know if there was anything in the water?" the lady called out urgently.

"I do… I don't know," Nat stuttered.

"Were there any empty bottles lying around?" she asked again.

"I… I can't remember." Nat stuttered again trying to remember.

"Uh yes, there was a couple… but I don't know what." Juanita said still sobbing a bit.

Alex laid on his back again and lolled his head to the side and looked at Nat.

"I saw mom, Nat" Alex said weakly.

Nat didn't know what to say, he just grabbed his brothers hand.

"Don't worry Alex, we're almost at the hospital" The lady said sensing Alex was a bit delusional.

Alex tried to brush her away as she adjusted the instruments she had hooked Alex up to.

"She said to say she loves you and is always watching," Alex said

"I know Alex," Nat said wondering if she really was there.

Alex feinted again.

"Is he going to be alright?" Juanita asked fretfully.

"I don't know?" The lady said putting an oxygen mask over Alex's mouth and nose. "We're sending another unit back to the apartment. We need to know what is in those bottles. It appears your friend has tried to kill himself two times over."

Nat looked out the window at the city as the ambulance sped through another intersection.

Alex woke up, he opened his eyes slightly, and noticed it was a lot brighter here then the ambulance. He noticed movement all around him.

"Can you hear me Alex?" an unfamiliar voice said, shining a bright light into his eyes.

Alex tried to bat the light away.

"Hold still, Alex."

"Alex, your at the hospital, ok? Alex you're at the hospital" A female voice said as she stood by Alex's side.

Alex tried to bat the light away.

"Come on Alex, just let me check your eyes" the man said again, holding down one of his arms.

Alex just winced as the doctor held open his eye lids and looked into each eye, before turning off the light.

Alex sensed the doctor move away.

"How is he?" Alex heard Nat say.

"We can't be sure until we get word on the bottles, but apart from drowning it looks like his has hit his head somewhere along the way and may be concussed. But he's looking stable." The doctor said.

Alex sensed Nat and someone else he assumed was Juanita come over.

"You feeling OK Alex?" Nat asked quietly

Alex reached for his face, but Nat got there and took the oxygen mask off and putting it under Alex's chin.

"I'm thirsty" Alex said very quietly .

Nat looked at the nurse to ask if Alex could have some water, but she just shook her head.

"Not until we know what was in those bottles." She said helplessly.

"Sorry Alex, your going to have to wait." Nat said, as he grabbed his brothers hand again.

"Juanita?" Alex said lolling his head to face Juanita, she was sitting in a chair a bit behind Nat.

Juanita just sat there looking at Alex, she had tears stained down her face.

"Why won't you speak to me?" Alex asked pitifully.

"Why do you think Alex?" She said standing up and walking away, and quietly sobbing.

Alex sadly put the mask back over his face, as Nat got up and followed Juanita. Alex closed his eyes, why did his mom have to be right about this.

"What was that about?" Nat asked putting his arm around Juanita.

Juanita knocked Nat's arm from around her and pulled the letter Alex had written from her pocket and give it to Nat.

Nat read the letter, and looked back at Juanita who was crying.

"He's right you know?" She sobbed.

"No he's not, you would miss him," Nat said trying to comfort Juanita.

"Yeah, but I never cared. I didn't even notice that Alex felt this way about me? What kind of friend am I?" Juanita said crying harder.

Nat didn't know what to say, he was finding that was happening a lot today.

Alex suddenly felt the urge to vomit again, he rolled on to his side and spilled his guts once more this time into the oxygen mask. Alex felt his sick get up his nose, before the nurse took the mask off letting the spew escape.

Alex cried a bit he felt worse and worse. He was wondering if coming back was actually better. The light was becoming intolerable and he was being sick all the time. On top of that Juanita was angry with him.

The nurse cleaned Alex's face, making it clean of spew, before putting a new Oxygen mask over his face. Alex felt very lethargic and wasn't really felling the rest of his body. His stomach ached from the vomiting and the light hurt his eyes, but it felt like he had been drugged. Alex lolled his head to the side, and noticed his dad was coming in with paramedics and a number of bottles.

"I need to pee" Alex said muffled through the mask.

At the same time the doctor motioned for the nurse to come over to him.

Alex watched as they all began to talk. Alex pulled the mask from his face, and threw up a little more.

"I need to pee!" Alex said what he thought was loudly.

"What did you say Alex?" Nat said, looking at his brother with a look saying he was unsure about his brother.

"I need to pee!" Alex said trying to pull himself up.

"Oh!" Nat said surprised. "I'll tell the doctor,"

"Can't you just take me to the toilet?" Alex asked frustrated, he had to go real bad.

"We can't take all these machines in there, Alex" Nat said almost apologetically gesturing to the machines Alex was connected to as he walked over to Dad and the doctors.

Alex felt the urge to go get stronger and tried to pull himself up, but he was too weak.

"Come On!" Alex said angrily gritting his teeth as he tried to hold it.

Alex couldn't hold it any longer, and felt more sick, disgusted and humiliated as felt the tension ease. Alex vomited once more, and softly cried. Was this karma trying to get back at him.

Nat walked back over, when he saw Alex vomit again. He noticed he was crying.

"Don't worry Alex, everything will be alright, they'll be over in a sec," Nat said putting his hand on Alex's shoulder.

"Easy for you to say!" Alex choked through the sobs.

"Oh!" Nat said, trying to hide his embarrassment for Alex at realizing his predicament.

"Do I deserve this Nat?" Alex asked still crying softly.

"No Alex," Nat half lied, he felt Alex deserved something for even thinking about killing himself, but he also knew it was partly his fault.


	7. Complications

The doctor, nurse and their dad walked over.

Sonny didn't say anything he just looked disappointingly at his son.

The doctor examined Alex, he was covered in vomit, urine and blood.

"It may be as bad as we thought, Nurse call the OR. Tell them we are sending a patient up for an exploratory." The doctor said, scribbling something on the chart.

"What's happening?" Nat asked concerned. Alex was looking a little scared, which was hard to tell through barely open eyes.

Alex tried to sit up again, but was still too weak.

"From what we can piece together, Alex poured some pretty potent cleaners into the water, He then downed a lot of sleeping tablets, hitting his head as he fell into the water. He managed to swallow a lot of the water, and we think it may have created a hole somewhere, or damaged his kidneys. We are sending him to the OR to find out." The doctor explained quickly.

They all looked worried, then Alex threw up again. Alex groaned as his stomach hurt more.

"Am I going to die?" Alex asked quietly.

"Not likely," the doctored answered.

The doctor walked over to the nurse and began talking to her in hushed voice.

Alex groped for one of Nat's hands. Nat reached out and grabbed Alex's hand.

"I'm scared Nat, I don't want to die anymore." Alex said quietly.

"Your not going to die Alex," Nat said.

"I'm sorry Nat" Alex said crying softly.

"No Alex, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to end up like this." Nat said holding his brothers hand tighter.

Juanita came back over, having composed herself. She was still not sure what to feel. She saw Alex was almost drenched in vomit, she also saw blood, and a stain in which the smell reminded her of urine.

Alex threw up a little more, and just lay there helplessly. A couple of orderly's came over and got his bed ready to move.

"What's happening?" Juanita asked anxiously.

"They're taking him to the OR, they are trying to find out exactly what is wrong with him." Mr Wolff said speaking for the first time.

"I saw mom, dad." Alex said quietly trying to get his dad, to speak to him.

Mr Wolff didn't say anything, he was still shocked that Alex had attempted suicide.

"She said to say she loves you and is always watching," Alex said, before throwing up a little more. Alex was desperately thirsty, and he wanted to rid his mouth of the taste of vomit.

Mr Wolff still didn't talk.

"Can you talk to me dad?" Alex asked desperately.

"I don't know what to say to you Alex" Mr Wolff said quietly.

Alex just looked up at the ceiling, as he put the mask back over his face. He was still holding onto Nat's hand when they began to push him away.

"I'll see you when you come out," Nat said, letting go.


	8. You Need A Kidney

Alex felt completely out of it and lethargic when he came to. It was dark, and Alex assumed it was night. He could just make out the blur of the room, but could not really distinguish anything. Alex tried to move around, but was weaker and had less energy than before. He didn't see any movement, Alex yawned before closing his heavy eyelids and drifting off again.

Alex woke again, it was darker, then before, and he was still just as lethargic and weak as before.

He noticed there was a glow coming from behind him and turned his head and lolled it on to the other side. Nat was sitting there writing, with pen in one hand and torch in the other. Alex picked up his arm a little and dropped it back down. The small movement caught Nat's attention and he looked up at his brother.

Nat smiled a little. Even in the dim light he noticed how stoned Alex looked.

Nat put the pad and pen on the table beside him and leaned forward.

"Hey Nat," Alex said incoherently.

"Hey Alex." Nat said, he didn't know how to tell Alex or whether or not he would understand, but he felt he should try now. "Your still in the hospital Alex."

Alex tried to move his hand again, Nat grabbed it and held on.

"You need a new kidney Alex…" Nat said quietly. "But we can't get one Alex."

Alex heard the words but they didn't make any sense to him. The anaesthetic left him completely incoherent.

Nat could see Alex wasn't hearing what he was saying. Nat stood up and hugged Alex, he was scared he was going to lose his brother. Alex eventually dropped off to sleep again and Nat sat back in his seat and just watched his younger brother. As the first rays of the morning sun filtered through the window Juanita began to stir. She slowly opened her eyes, she noticed that she was not in her room. This made her remember the events of the day before. She saw Nat sitting in his seat looking at the only bed in the room. She slowly stood up, She saw Alex sleeping, she still couldn't believe that almost 24 hours ago he had tried to kill himself. She felt a strange feeling in her gut, but just put it down to being too nervous to eat.

"He still out of it?" Juanita asked her voice constricted.

"He woke a couple of times, but yeah he's still out of it," Nat said yawning.

"Did you sleep at all?" She asked sitting on the foot of Alex's bed.

Nat just shook his head, if there was no one who would offer Alex their kidney Nat didn't want to miss anytime with his brother. The doctors had said, that Alex's kidneys would be completely useless in 2 weeks, after that he would either die, or be stuck in hospital.

Alex stirred a little, and both her and Nat looked at him. Juanita felt the weird feeling again.

"Do you want me to get something to eat?" She asked Nat.

Nat shrugged,

"Yeah if you want," he was sure Juanita was trying not to be around when Alex woke up.

Juanita got off the bed, and disturbed Alex as she did. She almost ran out of the room.

At being disturbed Alex, slowly woke up. He was feeling groggy and still lethargic but more coherent this time. Alex noticed for the first time he wasn't wearing a shirt, he saw he was still connected to a couple of machines, with things attached to his chest, and a clip on his finger. He had an IV tube coming out of right arm, and felt a bit constrained, by all the cords and tubes. He looked down and saw a cut filled with stitches down his stomach. He rolled over a bit and looked at Nat.

"Hey Nat," Alex said lethargically.

"Feeling better today?" Nat asked quietly.

"I don't know, I'm not really feeling anything." Alex whispered.

"You need a new kidney Alex," Nat said flatly.

"Well just get one," Alex said simply.

"We can't" Nat said after a few minutes awkward silence, he was wondering how to explain it to his brother.

"Why not?" Alex asked fidgeting with the clip on his finger.

"Because your 'suicidal'" Nat said looking at his brother as it sunk in.

Alex rolled on to his back. He was still fidgeting with the clip on his finger, and seemed to be staring down at it.

"Does this mean I'm going to die?" Alex asked softly with out looking up.

"Eventually… In two weeks your kidneys will completely stop working, and you will either die or be stuck here." Nat said looking at his brother.

Alex looked up from his fingers, and looked back at Nat.

"I don't want to die Nat." Alex said before staring down at his fingers again.

"I know, Alex" Nat said staring at the ground.


	9. Escape

**One week later**

_Dear Juanita_

_Why won__'__t you talk to me, or at least come and visit me? I__'__m dieing Juanita and I don__'__t think there will be any miracle giver to save me this time. I don__'__t care if you don__'__t love me, but can you still come as a friend?_

_I__'__m sorry I did what I did, but I came back Juanita. I had a choice and I came back for you. You hurt me Juanita, but I didn__'__t want to hurt you… I just wanted to ease my pain. Now my pain is ten times worse._

_I want you to be by my side, I am waiting to see if I will live or die and I don__'__t want to do it alone. Please come and be by my side, I can__'__t do it without you._

_Alex_

Alex read over the letter, it was damp and the ink had run where his tears had landed. He hoped Juanita would come. Nat hadn't left, and their dad was always around somewhere. The rest of the band visited everyday, but Alex really missed having Juanita around.

"Nat can you give this to Juanita?" Alex asked, folding the letter up.

"What is it?" Nat asked taking the letter from Alex.

"A letter, I want us to be friends again… you know in case I…" Alex said sadly, he didn't want to say the last word it would make it sound so final.

"You'll be OK Alex, you'll make it," Nat said, he prayed that he wouldn't be lying.

"But if I don't…" Alex pleaded. It had been the hardest week of his life, all he could do was sit there and wait.

"Ok Alex," Nat said, giving his brother a hug. He didn't really want to leave Alex alone, but he knew Alex would not forgive him if he didn't deliver the letter.

Alex just sat there on his bed looking out the window.

"Screw it" Alex said frustrated, if he didn't feel wind or something he was going to go made. Alex got out of the bed and put on some jeans his dad had brought over so he didn't have to wear those revealing hospital gowns. He put on a thick jersey and slipped some shoes on. Alex took of the clip from his finger and pulled the suction things from his chest, causing all the machines to sound one loud beep.

"Shut up!" Alex said annoyed, thankfully he didn't have an IV injected into him, he still had the injection point, but there was tube attached.

Alex slipped out of the room and climbed up to the roof. Alex heard the announcement over the PA to say they were looking at him.

"Code 9, Code 9, Ward 6"

Alex wasn't surprised after all he was supposed to be suicidal. Alex pushed through the doors and stood on the roof. There was a bit of a wind. He shivered, but was pleased to feel something all the same. Alex just sat down against a wall and looked out through the city. He could see the Statue of Liberty standing tall over her little island. He looked out at the beauty of New York, and just admired the view and the feel of the wind running through his hair. Alex heard the door open and someone come running through it.

"There you are!" A security guard said annoyed and out of breath. "What are you doing up here?"

Alex just kept looking out over the city.

"I wanted to feel the air move, If I die, I want to feel the wind in my hair" Alex said distracted.

"Come on, lets get back down there" The guard said impatiently.

"I want to stay up here!" Alex said defiantly.

The guard just stared at him, why did the suicidal's always think he would leave them on the roof.

"I don't think so, don't make me drag you" The guard said more impatiently.

"Then I'll wait until your gone and come back up again," Alex said annoyed.

"Alex, why are you tethered to the bed?" Nat asked returning to find Alex, with a relatively long tether tied from his left hand to the bed.

"Stupid guard wouldn't let me sit on the roof," Alex said bitterly.

"Why were you on the roof?" Nat asked a bit concerned.

Alex looked up at Nat and could see what he was thinking.

"I just wanted to feel the air move." Alex said looking longingly out the window.

Nat let out a small sigh of relief.

"What did Juanita say?" Alex asked anxiously.

"Nothing, I had to give it to her foster parents" Nat said, he knew Juanita would come around, he just hoped it was sooner rather then later.


	10. Waiting To Die

3 Days later

Alex sat in his hospital bed he was still tethered he had escaped to the roof again when the untied him the day after the first time. He was just staring out the window to the city outside. The doctors had decided that if Alex survived once his kidneys shut down, they would loan the equipment so he could go home.

"Nat?" Alex said as he turned away from the window.

"Yeah Alex?" Nat said from the seat he was sitting in.

"You know when I said I saw mom?" Alex said.

"Yeah"

"Do you know what she said to me?"

"Some of it,"

"She told me she had waited 15 years and could wait a few more… do you think she's wrong?"

"Alex that was just your concince telling you what you want to hear," Nat said.

"It was real Nat." Alex answered back.

"Whatever you say Alex," Nat said.

Alex turned away and sat back on his bed.

"Do you think I'm going to die, Nat?" Alex asked staring at his feet.

"We all die at some stage Alex" Nat answered back in denial.

"But right now, is it going to kill me?" Alex asked frustrated.

"I don't know what do you want me to say?" Nat answered back.

"I don't know…" Alex finally said.

Alex just fidgeted with the clip on his finger. He was feeling depressed.

"I wish Juanita would come around," Alex said sadly.

"I know Alex, she's just confused. She's angry at you, angry at me, angry at herself, scared for you, sorry for you." Nat said, he wondered how many more of these conversations they would have together.

"What are you guy's doing in here?" A familiar voice asked from the door.

"Waiting," Nat said without looking up.

"Dieing," Alex said staring at his feet.

"Dieing?" the man repeated, walking in and sitting down.

"Yeah, Alex needs a kidney and we can't get one." Nat said looking up and seeing who it was.

"I know the feeling," George Lopez said sadly. "But I thought you guys would have plenty of people fawning to give you their kidneys,"

"I don't want them know," Alex said looking up.

"Why not, people can't help if you don't tell them." George Lopez said.

"Because then they will want to know why I need one," Alex said sadly.

They had kept the story from the media, the press knew Alex had been rushed to hospital, but they didn't know why. It was one of the best kept secrets around.

"Which is?" George asked curiously.

Alex just looked at Nat and then at his feet.

"Alex wrecked his kidneys when he tried to kill himself" Nat said sombrely.

"What! Why?" George Lopez said shocked, he had known them since they were young and couldn't fathom this.

"I wanted to ease the pain." Alex said quietly.

George Lopez just looked at Alex with a look of incomprehension.

"I saw mom, and she told me to come back" Alex said now fidgeting with the cuff on the tether.

George Lopez just nodded his head, he understood what Alex was getting at.

"I don't want to die!" Alex said getting teary eyed after about three minutes awkward silence. He hated counting down.

George Lopez looked like he was having a moral dilemma.

"How long have you got?" he asked, realizing how sterile it sounded.

"Any day now, they said two weeks, but I'm not sure." Nat said heavily.

"Was it like this for you?" Alex asked lying back down and staring absently at the ceiling.

"I think you have it worse. I had my wife give me one of hers." He said, "Couldn't Nat do it?"

Nat just looked at Alex and shook his head.

"We're are different blood types," Nat said.

"How stupid is that, we have the same mom and the same dad, but not the same stinking blood!" Alex said frustrated.

George Lopez just nodded, he couldn't think of anything to say.

George Lopez left after about an hour or so.


	11. Thanks For Sticking By Me

It was early the next day, about 5am, when Alex woke. He felt hot and clammy and generally unwell. Alex rolled over on to his side, and stared at the machine that was reading his vitals. He couldn't read what it was saying, as his vision was blurry as he woke up properly. Alex felt the sensation he hadn't felt since the day he was admitted. Alex vomited, and the sound woke Nat up.

"What's going on?" he asked sleepily as he groped around for the light switch. He managed to find it and turned the light on.

It burned for a few minutes before their eyes adjusted to the light.

"I don't feel well Nat," Alex mumbled from his bed.

Nat struggled to his feet. He saw Alex and spewed all over his bed. Nat hoped this was just a bug, and not a sign that Alex was on his final legs.

"You'll be alright Alex." Nat said checking the vital signs on the monitor, he wasn't sure what was supposed to be normal, but they looked a little higher than normal.

Nat pushed the button to call for a nurse, at least she could get Alex some clean sheets.

About a minute later a nurse bustled through the door.

"What's the problem?" She asked looking around, but she noticed the vomit on Alex.

"Alex has been sick" Nat said, yawning a bit.

She took a closer look. She noticed that is temperature was reading quite high.

"Hold on, I'll be back in a second." She said and walked out of the room.

She came back 4 minutes later, with a doctor. The doctor looked a bit concerned checking the vitals.

"Is there a problem?" Nat asked nervously.

The doctor looked for an easy way to say, but he knew there wasn't one.

"If we can't get a donor for your brother in 24 hours things won't look good" The doctor said bluntly.

"Does that mean I'm going to die?" Alex asked slowly.

"We won't know until it happens…" The doctor admitted.

Alex laid there more demoralized than ever.

The doctor and nurse made to leave.

"Ah, are you going to clean Alex up first?" Nat asked sensing she had forgotten why she was there.

"Right on it," She said rushing back.

"And can someone take this stupid thing off me," Alex said tugging his tether. Alex wasn't in the mood try anything, he just didn't want to be confined during what might be his last day.

The nurse changed the sheets and cleaned up the vomit. To Alex's relief she also took the tether of Alex.

Once she was gone. Nat just sat beside Alex.

"Thanks for sticking by me Nat," Alex said demoralized.

"Your not gone yet little buddy," Nat said grabbing Alex's hand.

Alex sat up and leaped at his brother giving him a hug.

Nat let Alex hug him as he hugged him back. He was hoping that Alex would last out the day.

The nurse came around bringing breakfast, by which stage Alex was lying back on his bed. Alex didn't take any interest, eating all of a sudden had no appeal to him.

"The bands going to come around today," Nat said looking up at Alex, he was just looking depressed.

Alex looked less then interested as the door opened.

"Alex?" Juanita asked making her way in. Her foster parents followed behind her.


	12. Home

Alex rolled over to face Juanita, his stomach jumped a notch as he saw her.

"Hey Juanita…" Alex said flatly.

"You alright, Alex?" Juanita asked cautiously.

Alex just shook his head.

"The doctor thinks he has less then 24 hours, unless we can find a donor," Nat said knowing that her and Alex's blood were not a match.

Juanita gasped, she wondered what would of happened if she came the day after.

"Don't worry Alex, I'm here now," Juanita said lying down next to Alex.

"Alex, do you know that every time I think about you, I get butterflies in my stomach?" Juanita said, looking into Alex's scared brown eyes.

"That sounds like girl talk to me," Alex said trying to crack a smile, he couldn't remember the last time he did.

"It sounds to me like someone's in love" Nat teased.

"I lied Alex, it's just I never knew I loved you," Juanita said ignoring Nat's jibe.

"I know," Alex said lethargically.

"Come on Alex, It's going to be ok," Juanita said running her hand through Alex's hair, "Do you know you smell like vomit?"

"No it's not, I'm gonna die. I don't want to die Juanita," Alex said trying to hug Juanita.

"No your not, Alex, your gonna make it," Juanita said hugging Alex tighter.

"hmmmm" Alex said quietly as he began sobbing into Juanita's shoulder, he wished he could believe that.

The door opened again, and the rest of the band walked in. They found a place to stand, while Juanita held onto Alex.

"I don't blame you for anything," Alex whispered into Juanita's ear. He felt she needed to know that, especially if Alex kicked the bucket.

Juanita kissed Alex on the lips.

"I love you Alex,"

Alex smiled and sat up, followed shortly by Juanita.

"How are you Alex?" Qaasim asked quietly.

Alex looked at his feet, he hated that question.

"Dieing!" he said shortly.

Everyone stood around awkwardly. Nat looked over at Alex, he could tell he didn't want to be the centre of attention.

Nat decided to make small talk.

"So what's been happening?" he asked.

"Not a lot… thinking about when college goes back" David said quietly.

"That first semester sucked, but the parties were good," Thomas said.

"And the ladies" Qaasim added.

Alex took this moment of being free from everyone's stares lie down. He was feeling hotter and more uncomfortable as time progressed. Alex enjoyed hearing about everything, it was like no time had passed, since the good old days.

Juanita laid down beside Alex.

"You know Alex, the teachers still want the homework they set handed in," Juanita smirked.

"Tell them they go do it," Alex said coughing a bit.

Juanita smirked and rubbed Alex's hair, she brushed his forehead and almost burned herself doing it.

"I'm scared Juanita," Alex whispered to her.

"I'm here Alex, I'm with you," she whispered back.

Alex coughed more loudly. Everyone turned to look at them. Nat and Rosalina looked to be disrupted mid conversation.

"You ok, Alex?" Rosalina asked sadly.

"I want to go home," Alex said quietly.

Rosalina stood up and walked over to Alex, and hugged him.

"Don't worry Alex, you'll make it, and then you can go home." Rosalina said as a tear ran down her check.

As Rosalina let go, Alex threw up a little, and coughed loudly.

"I just want to go home," Alex said ruffling his hair.

Alex reached for a cup of water that came with his breakfast. He took a quick swig, and spat it out. Before drinking the rest.

They all just looked at Alex, they knew Alex had conceded himself to death, and wanted to die on his turf.

Mr Wolff made his way through the door.

"Is everything alright? What's happening?" He asked worried, as everyone directed there attention to him.

"Can we go home now?" Alex asked coughing.

"Alex the apartment is just a building with walls. Home has come to you," Mr Wolff said sitting down beside his son grabbing his hand.

Alex looked tiredly into his dad's eyes.

"I'm sorry for all of this," Alex said, as tears silently rolled down his cheeks.

"I know Alex," He said quietly, "You don't deserve this,"

Alex looked at his dad and wished he hadn't made that stupid choice to try and kill himself.

Everyone just sat around silently watching Alex. The hours passed by and for Alex felt everything becoming heavier.


	13. Glimmer of Hope

Alex struggled to keep his heavy eye lids open.

The machine next to Alex, beeped rapidly and loudly, for a about a minute, by which time a doctor and a nurse had come in, and urgently checked over him. The machine quietened down, when they injected something into the IV point.

"What did you do?" Nat asked worried, everything was happening to quickly.

"We just gave him something to keep him going a bit longer," The doctor said quietly.

Alex struggled more to keep his eyes open, he felt a little bit more energy, but not much.

Another nurse came rushing in a whispered something in the Doctors ear. The doctor whispered something back and she just nodded.

Everything became frantic all of a sudden.

The doctor whipped out his penlight, and lifted Alex's eyelids as examine the eyes.

"Stay with me Alex, you've got a donor," The doctor said

Alex tried to keep to his eyes open, as the news slowly made it's way from the ear to the brain.

"Really, Who?" Nat asked excited.

Everyone seemed to be more relieved.

The nurses set about getting Alex ready to move.

"Come on Alex, don't leave me," The doctor said as he shook Alex a little.

"Mayan," Alex heard, as he struggled to keep awake, everything was seeming a blur.

"Your daughter?" Nat asked quickly.

"Yeah, she's a match, and when I told her she wanted to help," George Lopez said, he looked at Alex, he was now being shaken by the doctor on a regular basis.

"Come Alex, just another few minutes," The doctor said shaking Alex again. "Come on lets go!"

Another nurse came in. The two nurses already there, began pushing the bed. The other nurse pushed along the machine reading Alex's vitals.


	14. 5:43

"Stay with me Alex" The doctor said shaking Alex again.

"Your going to be ok, Alex" Nat said watching as they rushed Alex out of the ward.

The rushed Alex down the corridor towards the lift that would take Alex up to the operating theatre.

"Come on, Alex, your doing well, we're almost there" The doctor said shaking Alex again.

The pushed Alex into the lift and hit the button for the OR floor. The doors shut and the lift made it's way up.

"He's crashing!" The nurse called as the machine started to make a variety of beeps and alarms.

"Come on Alex! Don't leave me!" The doctor said as the lift doors opened. "I need a crash cart here!"

They wheeled Alex out of the lift and another nurse rolled a machine over to them.

The doctor picked up the paddles and rubbed them together.

"CLEAR!" He yelled as he discharged them on Alex's torso.

The machine began beeping normally again.

"Come on Alex, just hold on a little longer," The doctor said as he replaced the paddles.

Alex lethargically looked around.

"Where's Nat?" he asked in barely audible whisper.

"Keep talking Alex," The doctor said, as they began pushing Alex down to prep him.

"Tell Nat, he needs to act like the dad…" Alex said quietly.

"Keep talking Alex, your gonna make it," The doctor replied

"Tell them all, I'm sorry, it's not their fault." Alex said quietly.

"Stay with me Alex." The doctor said concerned.

The machine emitted a long steady beep.

"He's flat lining! Get that crash cart back here!" The doctor yelled.

Nat and Juanita both stood there frozen, sensing the same thing.

"We need to see Alex!" They said together, running to the lift and hitting the up button.

"Come on you piece of crap!" Juanita said worried.

The lift doors opened and Nat and Juanita got in and hit the button for the operating floor.

"Come on!" Nat said impatiently as the lift made it's way up. The doors were barely open when they pushed through them. Halfway down the corridor the saw the doctor and nurse frantically rushing around, with the monotone beep echoing in the corridor.

"Doctor do you want to call it?" The nurse asked over the noise.

"Not yet damn it! Clear!" The doctor yelled back under pressure followed by the discharge and thump of the paddles. "Come on Alex!"

Nat and Juanita just stopped and watched with unease and fear.

"Come on Alex," Nat said under his breath.

"Clear!" The doctor called followed by the discharge and thump again.

"Doctor! Do you want to call it?" The nurse asked again.

The doctor looked from the paddles he was holding down to Alex.

"Doctor?"

The doctor held his breath.

"Call it…" He said quietly finally admitting defeat.

"5:43" The nurse said checking her watch.

The doctor slowly replaced the paddles and breathed heavily, he hated losing anyone, especially someone so young only 15. He looked from the nurses down the corridor. He saw Juanita and Nat standing there shell shocked.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly as Nat and Juanita turned to each other and hugged sobbing.

They both tried to hold back, and stopped hugging and walked over to Alex. Nat grabbed his brothers lifeless hand and squeezed it tightly.

George Lopez, sat beside his daughter as the doctors prepped her for the transplant. A nurse walked a whispered urgently to the doctor. The doctor stopped what he was doing and just looked at the nurse.

"Stop," The doctor ordered quietly to the other nurses.

"What's going on? Why are you stopping?" George Lopez asked urgently.

"There's going to be no transplant… he didn't make it…" The doctor said gently.

"What do they mean dad?" Mayan asked nervously.

George Lopez didn't say anything but his daughter understood.

The doctor helped bring, Nat and Juanita back down to the ward.

"Alex told me to tell you Nat, to act like the dad," The doctor said.

Nat looked at him and nodded as they pushed the door open and nervously walked in.

Nat just looked up and hollowly said, "He's dead."


	15. All The Difference Pt 1

"_The music industry is in mourning today after doctors announced the death of Naked Brothers Band drummer Alex Wolff at 5:43pm. Alex died of kidney failure after being admitted under mysterious circumstances a week and a half ago. It is believed that a donor had been found shortly before death…"_

"Hey Alex, I'm so proud of you" His mom said teary eyed as he walked through the apartment door.

"Why am I here? I thought you said you could wait a few years," Alex said confused, he knew he was dead.

"I'm sorry Alex, I lied," She said looking at her younger son.

"Why?" Alex asked sadly.

"Because you wouldn't have gone back, if you knew it was only for a few days." She said quietly.

"What difference did it make?" Alex asked grumpily, he didn't want to die.

"It made all the difference Alex," She said honestly.


	16. All The Difference Pt 2

**1 Year Later**

_Dear Alex,_

_It__'__s been a year already, and the pain is still there. We miss you Alex, but we are still proud of you. You fought to the end and to come that close made it even more difficult for us to bear._

_I never forget our last hours together, I only wish we had more time. You were so strong, even though you were scared. You held us together and your last words gave us peace of mind._

_The baby was boy, we named him Alexander Draper Wolff, after you. He will know all about you and Nat promised to act like the father you should have lived to be. I don__'__t know how to explain to Alex, how Nat was his biological father, but that you were always going to be the real one. Nat and Rosalina are being really supportive, and come over almost every day. I think they want him to know about you aswell._

_It__'__s hard not having you around, but I can__'__t imagine how hard it was for you as you waited to die. I will always love you Alex, and I hope you are watching over us all._

_Love_

_Juanita_

"Are you ready Juanita?" Rosalina asked as she held Alex in her arms, he was wearing red white and blue and a trademark stars and stripes do-rag.

Juanita folded the letter and put it in her pocket.

"Yeah," She said standing up and taking Alex of Rosalina.

"Shall we go and see dad?" she asked looking at him.

They walked down stairs where Nat was waiting.

"I can't believe it's been a year already," Nat said quietly.

"Neither can I" Juanita said taking a deep breath, "I miss him real bad"

"We all do" Nat and Rosalina said together giving Juanita a hug.

They then proceeded to help Juanita and Alex get on the bands bus. Nat brought out a stroller for Alex to sit in when they were visiting Alex's grave.

Thomas, David, Qaasim and Cooper were already waiting on the bus.

Nat stared out the window as they began to drive off. They slowed down as they passed through an intersection as an ambulance sped passed sirens blaring. Nat just stared and watched it.

_Alex lay in the ambulance covered in his vomit, as they sped to the hospital, the sirens just a noise in the background. Alex laid on his back again and lolled his head to the side and looked at Nat._

"_I saw mom, Nat__"__ Alex said weakly._

_Nat didn__'__t know what to say, he just grabbed his brothers hand._

"_Don__'__t worry Alex, we__'__re almost at the hospital__"__ The paramedic said sensing Alex was a bit delusional._

_Alex tried to brush her away as she adjusted the instruments she had hooked Alex up to._

"_She said to say she loves you and is always watching,__"__ Alex said_

"_I know Alex,__"__ Nat said wondering if she really was there._

_Alex feinted again._

"He's watching with mom now," Nat said quietly as he continued to stare out the window.

"What?" Rosalina asked looking at Nat.

"When we were in the ambulance taking Alex to the hospital, he said he saw mom and that she was always watching." Nat said quietly. "He's with her now."

The bus came to a stop outside the cemetery and the band and Juanita disembarked. They took Alex's stroller out, and put him in as they slowly made there way to see Alex's grave. He was buried in the plot next to their mom.

"How are you doing, little buddy," Nat said softly as he ran his fingers over the top of the tombstone. "I wrote you a letter,"

Nat reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter.


	17. All The Difference Pt 3

_Hey Alex,_

_You don__'__t know how much I miss you. You were the best brother anyone could have asked for, it__'__s just sad that your life was cut short._

_I know you wanted me to act like the father of Juanita__'__s baby, I just wished that you were still here to do it. She named it after you, and dresses it like you, it__'__s quite funny to see._

_You inspired me Alex, you seemed so calm in you lasts days. You knew it was coming and you were more brave than I could have ever been. You touched a lot of people Alex, people mourned you death everywhere. _

_The band has been lost with out you, we want to play on to honour you, but we don__'__t just want to replace you. I hope you are happy Alex. You made sure that before you died you put everyone at ease._

_Your death was a great loss, but the way you died was more bearable than the way we almost lost you before. I hope I am doing you proud and I want you to know that I do miss you._

_Your Loving Brother _

_Nat _

Nat placed the letter gently on the front of Alex's tombstone. Nat smiled a little, the tombstone was so Alex. It was a stone cross crafted to look like drumsticks. Nat noticed that there were a couple of drumsticks lying on the grave and assumed another drummer had come to pay tribute.

**Ten Years Later**

_Dear Dad,_

_Mom tells me about you everyday, and I am writing this letter so you know, that I know._

_Mom really loved you and I can tell she still misses you. But Uncle Nat and Aunt Rosie give her lots of help. Uncle Nat has been great, he tells me he is just trying to show me the dad you would have been. I wish I could have met you._

_I play drums, just like you did. I think mom enjoys it, it reminds her of you and it makes her smile._

_Mom and Nat told me how you died. I find it hard to imagine, sitting and waiting there, like you did. You sounded brave. I hope I am doing you proud, because Nat is always telling me that you are watching._

_I wish I could have met you._

_Alex_


End file.
